She's ba-aaaaack...

OK, I should probably be happy that my appetite has sort of returned, rather than wishing the nausea would stick around. But… but… eating less is so much easier when the thought of food makes you want to hurl! #firstworldproblems

I’m not quite as nauseated as I was during the awful first week of birth control. Now, it seems I’m hungry during the morning and around lunchtime, and then I get nauseated in the late afternoon/evenings. Over the weekend, though, I was STARVED at lunch every day. On Friday I felt insatiable around noon, and that terrified me because I felt like I wanted to eat everything in sight. I was worried I wouldn’t have enough calories left for the evening and that I’d end up bingeing or chucking the diet. But it turns out that after I would eat a decent meal, I felt better, and then didn’t seem to get hungry for dinner. These appetite changes have been weird because I’m normally one to save a bunch of my calories for the evening, since that’s when I enjoy eating the most. I know that’s not necessarily healthy, so maybe the meds will retrain me a little. Maybe.

On Saturday we celebrated my nephew’s 4^th birthday with lunch at Fridays and an afternoon showing of Despicable Me 2. I planned my eating in advance, and did pretty well at TGIF. I had a couple bites of the soft pretzels and beer cheese appetizer, then ate a petite sirloin with mashed potatoes and veggies. I wasn’t completely satisfied after lunch, so I got some popcorn to share with the birthday boy. He was incensed that the entire bag wasn’t for him, even though he ate a ton of lunch and got a free birthday sundae to top it off. I finally convinced him to let me hold the bag between us… um, he takes after my side of the family in the eating department, can you tell? We call it “high food pressure.” ;)  His brother is 7, and takes after his dad when it comes to eating. He won’t indulge if he isn’t truly hungry, and he will pick veggies and fruit over French fries any day. I gave him a cup of popcorn and he didn’t touch it. So strange how brothers can be so different! I, on the other hand, touched WAY too much popcorn. I didn’t put butter on it, though, and then I didn’t eat anything the rest of the day, so it wasn’t too bad.

My mom texted me during church yesterday (she is the worst pastor’s wife ever…) and told me she wanted meatloaf and mashed potatoes for lunch. Comfort food sounded SO yummy, so after my church service ended I went and bought the ingredients and made a meal for my parents. We ate kind of late, and I had two helpings (oops), but I ended up not eating supper for the second day in a row because I was still full. I also had no energy yesterday, so I ended up sitting around watching like 562 episodes of Property Virgins and House Hunters on HGTV.

Did I work out this weekend, you ask? Uh… does thinking seriously about working out count?

Treadmill!

After my Friday Fail in the run department, I took the rest of the weekend off from exercise (which I’m pretty sure is the opposite of what you’re supposed to do after you don’t succeed at something). I just got it in my head—after nearly dying of heat stroke after my last run—that I really need a treadmill in order to stay consistent with exercise. I scoured Craigslist for listings, and even went to see one that someone was selling for $200, but it was cheaper and smaller than the treadmill I used to have, and walking on it felt like a chore because of the cheap belt. I decided not to buy it.

On Sunday I got together with my parents and my sister and I was talking about treadmills with my mom, and she said she wanted to get one too… so we decided to go halfsies and share one. On a whim, about half hour before closing, we went to Sports Authority to look at their selection, and we found one we loved. It was on sale for $599 but it was one I had read great reviews about and it was more expensive everywhere I’d seen it online. We paid, then prayed it wouldn’t fall out of her little Nissan crossover, and drove it home. I haven’t had a chance to finish putting it together, but I will, and then I’m excited to pick back up on day 3 of the C25K program. Woo!

I know, I know… as my boyfriend told me, most exercise equipment ends up being used as a clothing rack. BUT. I’ve had a treadmill before, and before I started taking medicine, I actually used it and liked it. I even ran on it some. I remember being so proud of myself once that I had run for 15 minutes straight without stopping. The incline on it broke when it was about 5 years old, and then I entered my meds-induced vegetative state, where I had only enough energy to sit on the couch, so I gave it away. I’m pretty confident that this investment is going to be a BIG help in getting off this 95 pounds I need to lose.

In other news, Popeyes fried chicken is not the easiest thing to fit into a healthy lifestyle. My dad wanted it yesterday, and it was Father’s Day, so he got it, but it really messed up my calorie intake for the day. I’m pretty sure I went about 500 calories over what I’m supposed to have to lose weight, but the scale was still down this morning, probably thanks to me taking yesterday off from exercise. Oh, the mind games. Overeat + don’t exercise = lose a pound. Too bad that doesn’t last. ;)

You can’t spell celebrate without e-a-t…

My boyfriend took me to Indomania for my birthday a few months ago, and after my rave reviews, my mom and sister decided to go there to celebrate their birthdays as well. (They share a birthday, isn’t that fun?) We spent about five years living in Indonesia when I was a kid, so any chance we get to have Indonesian food—especially that I don’t have to cook myself—we jump at. Or at least, I used to jump at it, before I started eating more consciously. This time, I kind of wanted to run away from it.

Over the last few days I’ve found myself trying to come up with excuses not to go with them. I offered to watch my nephews, I mentioned that the restaurant probably isn’t in my budget this month, etc., but they insisted they didn’t want to celebrate without me. It didn’t help that my sister already had a sitter for the boys, or that the second I mentioned Indomania to my boyfriend, he PayPal-ed me enough money to pay for everyone’s dinner (because he said I’ve been working really hard and I deserve it and he didn’t want me to miss out. Isn’t he sweet?? Swoon...)

Yesterday, I realized that my reservations about going to Indomania have nothing to do with any of the excuses I’ve given. It’s about one thing: my overwhelming fear of blowing it. The diet, that is. I know, I know. This isn’t a diet; it’s a lifestyle. BUT. Let’s be real and say that when a person with an all-or-nothing mentality messes up by even a few calories, there is a tendency to abandon rational thought, overdramatize the situation and view it as the Weight-Loss Apocalypse, and as thus, a decree from the heavens to just go ahead and eat enough for eleven people. (amIright?) When you couple that with the fact that I’ll be in Celebration Mode (a.k.b.f.p.a. [also known by fat people as] An Excuse to Eat Lots of Food Mode), my hesitation is not completely unfounded.

Once I identified the reason for my irrational fear of the birthday dinner, though, I actually felt better about going. It’s not super easy to find the calorie content of Indonesian food, but it’s possible to come pretty close using comparable Thai and Chinese dishes. And there are some lighter selections that I’d be pretty happy to order as well. The bottom line: I can do this. I can choose healthier options, I can take a bite or two of the “evil” foods I want to try without derailing all my efforts to lose weight, and I can learn to celebrate occasions, not food.

Since I am going to be dealing with events, holidays and celebrations of all kinds for the rest of my life, rather than running away when they pop up, I need to start facing them head-on, and learn to fit them seamlessly into a healthy lifestyle. Tonight, I’ll start by celebrating two of my most favorite people on earth, without using their birthday as an excuse to harm my body with more food than it needs.  

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So… am I the only one who is terrified by events that center around food? Any tips for staying on track in when in celebration mode?

Fat People Math: Me + Family = Food

I come from a family of food lovers, so it would stand to reason that our get-togethers often always center around stuffing our faces. Challenge #2 for the weekend was surviving Sunday lunch with my family.

After church I joined my sister, her two little boys and my parents to eat lunch and hang out for the afternoon. There was no way to plan in advance what I was going to eat because we almost never know what we’re going to be eating until someone gets annoyed enough to make an executive decision, which usually happens about an hour after normal people have finished eating lunch.

My mom took the reins on this one, and picked up lunch on her way home. Since my sister is having gall bladder issues, I’m trying to eat healthfully and my dad is supposed to be on a strict diet due to diabetes, heart disease and a plethora of other health problems, she thought it would be a good idea to go to KFC and get several buckets of fried chicken. (My mom weighs roughly 3 ½ pounds, so she cannot be relied upon to know the ins and outs of “trigger foods,” but fried chicken?!)

Honestly, I’d love to tell a riveting tale of my brave battle against extra crispy thighs and biscuits with butter and honey, but there really wasn’t a battle to speak of. I had an original recipe breast (370 calories vs. 470 in extra crispy) and some mashed potatoes and gravy. I decided against a biscuit, because I felt like 180 calories was too much for one of those little things.

And that was that.

I would like to give my superhuman will power all the glory for this one, but I really just didn’t have a big appetite yesterday. I’m not sure why, but I’d LOVE to bottle up that magic and use it on future Sunday lunches. I know myself pretty well, and there’s no way this will be happening on a regular basis. ;)

Happy Monday!