Weight Update

Today marks exactly one month that I have been living healthier, eating fewer calories, and even doing a little exercise. I lost four pounds this past week, which probably has a little to do with my bout with sickness and another bout with anxiety, but the scale is moving downward, so I'm happy.

Despite those almost two entire weeks where the scale wouldn't budge, I still lost a total of 12 pounds this month!

I have mentioned before that I suffer from anxiety. I was on medication (SSRI) for almost two years, but in January I got sick of having side effects and having trouble losing weight, so I decided to stop taking them. I enjoyed nearly six months meds-free, and had very little anxiety during that time, but this week it came back with. a. vengeance. I know that it is due in large part to some big life changes that I'm going through right now, and some big decisions that I have to make, but unfortunately my brain doesn't listen to logic when my anxiety is triggered in a big way. I have some medicine left, so I think I'm going to start taking it again, because I really can't handle what anxiety does to me, mentally and physically. I'll go see a doctor ASAP as well.

My only concern with taking meds is that I don't want to become complacent about losing weight. The medicine I take (unlike a few others I've tried) doesn't increase my appetite, so that's a plus, but I don't want to get calm and suddenly be OK with weighing 247 pounds! We'll see how it goes this time around, when I'm conscious of the possibilities of side effects and weight gain. If I keep doing what I've been doing, I should be fine.

Now I'm off to my sister's for the day. She wants me to go to IKEA with her and my two nephews. IKEA. On a Saturday. With two small children. There is not enough Prozac in the WORLD...

The Couch to Kohl's Program

I've been watching episodes of Extreme Weight Loss over the last few days, and I have been so inspired by how people with 150+ pounds to lose have started running. I've always wanted to be a person who loved to run.

Recognize the "b" word there? Much like my desire to "be" an After Shot of myself, I just want to be a person who loves to run. I don't want to feel like actually putting in the time, effort, energy, sweat, tears and inconvenience, I just want to BE a runner. Magically! Or by osmosis. I'm pretty sure that if I watch enough episodes of Extreme Weight Loss and get super amped up seeing morbidly obese people turn into athletes, that should be enough transform me into a fit, muscular size 6 who adores running with all of her being. And who looks hot in spandex.

Is there any question why I'm 85 pounds overweight and 3,000% out of shape? I have a problem with turning my desires into action, and the reason is every. bit. mental. Because action requires me to ditch comfort and change my behavior, and that is something that my brain rebels against like crazy. Right now, I am literally having severe emotional anxiety over the thought of spending 30 minutes exercising, and I know that the only way to make the anxiety stop is to decide not to exercise, thus returning to my comfort zone of immobility.

This isn't about the exercise itself--I've done plenty of that in my life, and I can get through it--it's about getting past my ginormous mental block that is terrified of change. And becoming a person who exercises regularly instead of sitting on her ample behind 24/7 is a big change.

Honestly, I wish that I had something wise or inspiring to say that would be the key to unlocking the motivation to tell my emo brain to shove it and get off the couch and move my rear end, but I'm not there yet. I'm at the beginning of this whole weight loss/get fit process, and I'm still trying to figure out how to push myself through these stupid mental blocks and become the person I want to be, or  at least figure out why I am so afraid of becoming that person.

Since there's no trumpet blasting in the sky or voice from heaven explaining what the problem is, I'm going to do the only thing I know how: I'm going to put one foot in front of the other, and start.

Today, I decided to take the first very teeny steps toward removing the mental blocks. I went shopping, of course! I had a $10 off coupon for Kohl's, so I went there and bought some comfy socks, a nice pair of spandex capris and several t-shirts that will be perfect for exercise. I also came home and found my old iPhone armband and earbuds, made an awesome workout playlist, downloaded a Couch to 5K app to my phone and even bookmarked a page of pre-run stretches on my laptop.

I've officially got all the tools I need to succeed. All that's left is to do it.

Progress!

It has been 10 days since I plunged into my new, healthier lifestyle, and already I’ve seen some very encouraging progress. I’m pretty sure this calls for bullet points!

·         I have lost 5 lbs so far (woo!), and am 20 lbs below my highest weight on 1/1/2013.

·         I’m no longer 100 lbs from my goal—"just" 95 to go.

·         I haven’t felt hungry or deprived at all—I feel good about what I’m eating.

·         The ever-present swelling in my feet has gone waaay down (it’s totally gone on the right ankle, and is only slightly swollen on the left).

·         My face is less puffy, and I feel prettier.

·         I can fit into a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn since last September-ish!

·         I actually made it an entire week-and-a-half without giving up and bingeing, which hasn’t happened in a LONG time.

·         I’m down 10 lbs from the last time I saw my manfriend, with 10 weeks left to lose even more.

It’s very easy to get impatient with the pounds when you have a lot to lose, but I feel like I’m doing pretty well taking one day at a time. In the past, if I dieted for more than a week and still didn’t look like Giselle Bundchen, I’d want to give up. Right now, though, I’m enjoying the progress—little things, like the lines below my cheekbones being slightly deeper—and not getting discouraged with the number of pounds left to lose.

I can do this. I am doing this, and I’m enjoying the small victories along the way.

Losing weight to look hot at my wedding (and other bad ideas)

I once read in a fitness magazine that it’s not a good idea to set a weight-loss goal for an “event” of some kind (wedding, reunion, vacation…).  A single night apparently isn’t enough of a reason to implement serious life changes, and once the event is over, it would stand to reason that your motivation to change will be over as well.

I don't believe everything I read in fitness mags, but I do tend to agree that if an event of some kind is your only motivation to lose weight, you're probably not going to follow through with serious life changes. If you have 10 lbs to lose, maybe. But I've always had a lot more than that to lose, and my reasons need to be a lot bigger than a bridesmaids dress in order to motivate me off of the couch. 

This little nugget of advice from Self or Shape or whatever has stuck with me for a lot of years. As a result, I’ve always tried to at least pretend that my reason for wanting to lose weight is deeper than wowing a boy I had a crush on in high school, or sticking it in the face of someone who insulted me about my size 10 years ago.

I’m definitely not in a fight to lose 100 pounds because I need to fit into a dress. However. I will admit that there is something extremely motivational about a short-term event to work toward; a mini-goal to break up the monotony of the endless striving toward health and wellness. I figure that the motivation of an upcoming event can’t hurt as long as it’s happening within the bounds of my real goal—getting healthy for life.

So, obviously, something is coming up that I'm excited about, and motivated by in the short term, that has that old article rolling around in my brain. I'm going to see my man friend in 11 weeks, and I'm super excited to lose some more weight and be 20 lbs or so smaller than the last time I saw him!

Yes, I'm in a long distance relationship. I didn’t plan on falling for someone who lives 1,500 miles from me, but I did (cute story for another time), so until he can get a job near me and make the big move, we have to settle for seeing each other every three months or so. (I know, booo.)

Knowing that I will see my sweetie soon has definitely added a little excitement—and short-term goal—to this looooong process of dropping 100 lbs. At the very least, it’s created some adrenaline which could very well be that extra prompt I need to say no to those fries, or engage in a little exercise this week.

So... what do you think about losing weight solely for an event? Good idea? Harmful? Thoughts, please!